Notes from Jan

When the End Justifies the Means

August 21, 2019

Worthwhile consideration prior to a colonoscopy, “Does the end justify the means?” Then again, the prep left little time to ponder anything more than how fast can I get from here to there.

Since coming home, I’ve concluded our hospital needed better planners. The Endoscopy Department’s at the farthest end and around a bend, unless someone with a perverse sense of humor selected both name and location. That’s a long walk under the circumstances. A waiting room awaits with dated magazines and a table displaying a partially finished puzzle, with thousands of pieces and a nearby sign,”While You Wait.”

Meanwhile the area held wane, uncomfortable looking people, of whom I was exhibit A. Seems to me Urology and Endoscopy departments should expect no one to wait more than a nanosecond or have time to read or puzzle.

As for showing an ID, verifying birth, name, height, weight and how many times I’ve fallen this year I ask you,”Who would want to use an alias or lie under oath to have one of these tests?”

Well, what’s done is done and I’m proud of myself and anyone who does what’s good for them and schedules, then follows through with the prep and procedure. While no certificate’s given to frame and hang, a clean bill of health, and I do mean clean, is its own reward.

Upon regaining full mental capacity, or as full as possible, the nurse quietly informed me they’d filled me with air to make viewing easier. For whom? Then added, “Don’t be shy. You’ll need to pass gas before leaving the recovery area.” Gross understatement. Happy I left my hearing aids behind, in my purse.

Once you know your name, birthdate and current president, no matter how much you wish to forget, they serve you the juice of your choice with saltines or graham crackers on a tray, like royalty. Oh, and you get to keep the sox with sticky things on the bottom so you won’t slip and sue.

What more could one wish for other than the doctor coming by and saying,”Looked good. Lab results back in two weeks. I don’t expect to see you again.”

That makes two of us, though, I think he was referring to my age.

Either way, I’m good to go.

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5 Comments

  • Reply Jill MacCully August 21, 2019 at 6:53 pm

    You’re hysterical!!!! I just love reading your posts. Glad you didn’t give up blogging yet!!! Thanks for making me laugh!

  • Reply Mark Taylor August 21, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    I laughed out loud as i envisioned the framed certificate on your living room wall: “Colonoscopy successful. A-OK.”

  • Reply Linda Coonrod August 21, 2019 at 9:13 pm

    Oh, no! did they do away with the blueberry muffin? That was the reward!!
    Just kidding, though I have enjoyed a couple of those there. Congratulations on a test well completed!!

  • Reply Pat McCary August 24, 2019 at 6:56 pm

    Jan, Love your blogs! Glad things came out all right. Pat

  • Reply Evelyn Morgan August 24, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    Jan, you could be a comedienne on TV and get more laughs than some that we endure. Thanks for the much needed humor.

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